Peter Pan Syndrome
What is Peter Pan Syndrome?
Peter Pan Syndrome is a disorder in which a man is unable to grow into maturity. They may grow physically as an adult but choose to hang on to their childhood in avoidance of assuming responsibility like a mature person. They are men who stay as boys inside.
They are also imprisoned in the result given by the freedom of youth. The term “Peter Pan syndrome” is derived from the book “Peter Pan” written by J.M. Barrie about a boy who doesn’t want to grow up and lives in neverland where people do not grow old. Peter pan syndrome can affect both men and women, but it is most often seen in the male population.
What are the Symptoms of Peter Pan Syndrome?
Signs and symptoms are based on the following:
- Either excessive outbursts of emotion or blunt in affect.
- Anger to the point of wrath
- Happiness that turns into extreme panic
- Frustration that leads to self-pity and depression.
- They have difficulty expressing feelings of love
- They always feel guilty
- Difficulty relaxing
- Undependable
- Manipulative tendencies
Individuals with this syndrome have a hard time building strong and genuine relationship with peers; as a result they feel extremely alone. They are also not bothered by the wrong things that they have done, instead they blame others for their frailties. They tend to move away from real problems concerning their weaknesses, which can cause them to use prohibited drugs and abuse alcohol in an attempt to escape the obstacles of life.
What Causes Peter Pan Syndrome?
Overprotective Parents
According to the top psychologist, Peter Pan Syndrome may be a result of overprotective parents because it hinders the child from growing to maturity and to exhibit their own skills to face life’s challenges. (1)
Peter pan syndrome was defined by psychologist Dan Kiley, in 1983. According to him, in every Peter Pan there is a shadow of a “Wendy”. Thus, he also used the term “Wendy Syndrome” for those women who act behind their partners and friends as a motherly figure.
Link with Narcissism
Peter Pan Syndrome is related to narcissism, but not in the egotistical sense. They tend to be absorbed with imaginative comfort in their minds which attracts them to introspection. This leads them to be imprisoned by childhood fantasy, not the realities and difficulties of life that they need to overcome.
Genetics
Peter Pan Syndrome is not a genetically inherited syndrome. It is acquired by:
- Environmental influences, in which an individual may inhibit it by how they were raised by their parents.
- Factors such as the so-called “Wendy Syndrome”.
Diagnosis or Test
It may be diagnosed when an individual exhibits the signs and symptoms of Peter Pan Syndrome. However, this disorder is not yet medically accepted by the WHO (World Health Organization) and not yet acknowledged by the American Psychiatric Association as a mental disorder. It is regarded as Psychopathology.
How to Treat Peter Pan Syndrome
Since Peter Pan Syndrome is not yet recognized as a psychological disorder, there are no defining treatments. There are therapies such as the wilderness therapy, which covers psychodrama, cognitive behavioral therapy, strength-based therapies, solution-focused therapy, transpersonal counseling, family therapy, and other treatment modalities such as:
The Healing Sound of Silence
This is where the individual is kept away from refocusing on other things that will lead to addiction, such as watching TV, computer games, Internet, alcohol and drug abuse. Instead, they are focused on the real issues about themselves; they start with the basics on how to learn to face the real problems of life.
Embracing the 12 Step Philosophies
This is a wilderness expedition where they go out camping and hiking in four cycles, in which they learn to share their experiences and prepare themselves for the next tour. The 12 philosophies is a program that covers meetings in the field camp and in the community, for them to be able to recognize support systems that are available during the 12 steps program.
Since this kind of therapy occurrs during camp outs, adventure based counseling is done. They begin to be aware of the consequences of their actions and not only to focus on themselves. They also learn self care and eventually realize that every individual in the group is a part of the whole system, and that they are a reflection of a family and each and every one of them has a role and a purpose.
Transforming into an Effective Adult
This is the so-called “wake up call” for the family, in which a Peter Pan-like person begins to take responsibility. This is the result of the four cycles of wilderness therapy when they begin to be a leader and taking care and reaching out to each and every member of the group.
Even though there is no established cure for the disease, the only time that the person with Peter Pan Syndrome is treated is when the individual shows willingness and awareness of their disorder.
Also Read Current Treatments for Peter Pan Syndrome needs more evaluation
Prognosis
Since Peter Pan Syndrome is still unrecognized as a mental disorder by the American Psychiatric Association and WHO there is no clear prognosis about the disorder. Individuals with this disorder may undergo therapies, but there is still no established way to treat the syndrome.
Life expectancy
Peter Pan Syndrome is still a psychological issue, so there is no established and exact measure of the individual’s life expectancy. The tendency of the person having the disorder to be cured is still unknown.
Complications
The major complication of Peter Pan Syndrome for individuals having the disorder is not being able to build strong relationships. They remain unsuccessful at facing fears and responsibilities, and may also acquire other psychological disorders.
According to research, people having Peter Pan Syndrome have very low self-esteem, are unmotivated and feel depressed. Individuals having Peter Pan Syndrome do not usually exhibit the self-confidence, motivation and determination that are keys for being successful.
Prevention
Since Peter Pan Syndrome is a disorder caused by factors during childhood, any prevention measures should be directed at parents and their awareness on how to raise a child.
Parenting seminars should be organized, especially for teenage parents so they are aware of techniques to teach their children about responsibilities. However, the environmental factors still need to be considered when raising a child. Proper values and education are important and children should also be surrounded by the right people as role models.
References
- https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/05/070501112023.htm
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-do-life/201605/the-peter-pan-syndrome
- http://www.fourcirclesrecovery.com/about/articles/treating-peter-pan-syndrome/
- https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/peter-pan-syndrome-why-smart-people-fail-marty-nemko
- http://www.brenontheroad.com/suffering-peter-pan-syndrome/
- http://youqueen.com/love/seduction/peter-pan-syndrome/
- http://www.catholiceducation.org/en/marriage-and-family/parenting/the-peter-pan-syndrome.html
- http://www.slideshare.net/astutzm2/writing-sample-3-32372173?qid=f7df4278-8fea-4949-8cf8-970a5d4bc0f5&v=&b=&from_search=2
Truly, a parent’s action dictate the development of Peter Pan syndrome. For first time parents who do not know how to bring up children, it is better to receive counselling and seek consult from experts in child care.
I am amazed how this obvious is not dealt with which is truly sad. Some of those suffering with this is a signal that at the age they are stuck at suffered deep trauma. A boy that never went through puberty properly is stuck. Many men with small penis syndrome suffer greatly. They are stuck at age 16 and feel such shame, all of the other ripple effects rule their lives. I know a woman that was beaten by her father who was a violent alcoholic. She was told be her mother to marry at 16, had three kids by 22 and today at 45 is still a 16 inside. She is extremely co-dependent. We really need to look deeper and judge less. This culture is very unforgiving and lacking depth, especially in the mental health world of medications which can be a horror story. The key is to look at what robbed a boy of being a man and a girl of being a women. Shame makes it very difficult to discuss, even to get honest with self because trauma is just that, traumatic and isn’t rational.
small penis syndrome ? are you serious …. you hit the nail on the head when you said the mental health world of medication … thats the problem … too many syndromes and medication … maybe its just life …
I see that Peter Pan syndrome results in not being able to be mature and assuming a boy’s role despite mature age. What is the difference then in metal retardation where a person also is not able to mature his mental abilities?
The disease is more psychological as opposed to mental, hence the term mental retardation. Please think before you write, and please spellcheck before you press post comment. Ta. Xxxx
You’re an idiot.
Thanks for sharing! And yes, the term mental retardation no longer exists. You meant ” learning disabilities” .
No, L.D. is distinctly different than the outdated term mental retardation, which has been displaced by the categorical name, “Intellectually Disabled”, (I.D.).
Why so harsh? Maybe you are the person with a problem? Maybe too critical? I would not want to spend any time with you and, if so, you would be properly put in your place, jerkface! I am sick of hateful, self-righteous people like you.
Well said.
Mental abilities can be divided into many facets of cognitive performance. There are analytical thinking, logical thinking, abstract thinking, intuitive thinking, empathy(emotional IQ), rote memory, …and perhaps many more. Just because one is not of the emotional maturity of their age does not mean that they are incapable of performing other cognitive functions.
Intelligence then, cannot be measured with one test. Multiple factors play in the brain development, much that is not fully understood. More research is required in this subject.
I see others seem upset about the word mentally retarded to the point where they’ve lost focas on the topic. Peterpan syndrome. Itellectually challenged, retarded, basically fucked, anyway you slice its Peterpan syndrome we’re talkin !
I know,, I have it ! Blabshahahaa !
In cognitive disabilities it is not that the person CAN’T mature, it is just that the cognitive delay makes the maturing process slower. I know PLENTY of people with intellectual disabilities who are much more mature than some of the other adults I meet.
Not that anyone cares but from the gay perspective, the parents and the upbringing have nothing to do with this. Peter Pan syndrome is an epidemic within the gay community and I’ve withnessed the extremes of it as I have aged. As the article states, narcissism is the root cause here which is based on deep self-esteem issues. Just my opinion from the “front lines”.
Very insightful perspective. Makes perfect sense.
Nice input. Thank you for sharing. I can appreciate your perspective.
I am 58 yr old male schizophrenia Peter Pan Syndrome
Mental Retardation
Bi Sexual
You guys don’t know what you’re talking about. Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with it I’m a 13 year old straight girl and I have Peter pan syndrome. Over protective parenting can trigger Peter pan syndrome at any age it’s not the only way but it’s a big one. Im one of the lucky teens with pps with a complete baby face and I’m short for my age but that won’t last forever. I won’t et into the details but it’s stinks having pps and ANYBODY can have it
But you’re 13?! You ARE still a child!
this makes me laugh… you’re not old enough to have this syndrome
“Old enough?” I’m dealing with a 15 1/2 year old granddaughter with an extreme case of pps and she has told me many times that she “doesn’t want to grow up”…..refuses to “learn” anything that relates to her future life, “expects” that all good things will “just happen” or “oh well”, she completes the picture with rages at anything that does not go her way. Trying to “force reality” on her is my biggest problem so far in 73 years of living….not easy……
I say dont take a chance that what we thpught that she just going through a phase but if you don’t take actions now then it might get worse latter on. Take her to a specialist , a doctor, therapist. You never know I say Try now so that later on your not regreading it.
I have the opposite problem. My husband is 80, 20 years older than me. He has been a Peter Pan for the past 20 years, but deteriorating. He does not acknowledge any realities – relationships, bills, personal failings, saving and planning, and leaves all of that to me. He displays excessive anger if challenged over his perception of reality.
Despite our precarious financial situation, he is spendthrift, buying motorbikes, windsurfers, and anything else to entertain himself in his ongoing childhood.
I agree, ur only a child yet and can make changes in ur life going forward. Wait till ur 48 like we have had experience watching our son go through.
You’re simply not old enough to have this syndrome. Get out little girl.. the adults need to talk about adult things. Go play with your cell phone and post compromising pictures on the Internet like all the other little brainwashed girls.
how could you possibly know if she has PPS or not? you don’t know the whole story and if that is what you think little girls do all the time, then maybe she is already doing it.
That s very rude, of a grown up to speak to anyone in such a condescendin way.. get yourself checked you could e a woman beater
yes I agree with you 100%. Ii was looking for this website because I feel that my 18 year old sister has Peter Pan Sydrome, my mother and I ( am 17 years old) have always known that she was different ; her mmind set was just not developing correctly for her age. My mother always thought that she would grow out of it but sadly she hasn’t. My mother has tried theraphy but we didnt have insureance to continue it. I feel like this syndrome should be recognized its not just people who are choosing to act this way. Some people are so just pain ignorent that they sugest beating them to shape. Thats wrong and just futher adding on totheir pain.
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I am 23+yrs old. i have also same problem but cause is little bit different my parents are not over protective.they are normal..so what will be my treatment..thanks…
Why do you need treatment ? I have PPS and am very Happy .
Are you rich?
Must be lol
It’s important to grow up. You won’t realize all the consequences of your decisions if you don’t. They may hurt people that you didn’t intend to.
Damn straight Darryl – Embrace PPS – it’s the best. Ignore all this propaganda
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what about females with these symptoms?
I have been involved with a “man” who has PPS. I have been searching for information about him until I was told about PPS recently by a friend. He matches it perfectly. It has been the most undesirable relationship I have ever encountered or want to remember. He was always trying to make me feel I was doing wrong when I tried to discuss anything of importance. My advice, if you find yourself with someone who has it, get out of the relationship ASAP. They try to distort your world by manipulating you. It is horrible! Their lack of self, self esteem and reality is understated in all information I have read. This one also began using drugs as he progressed into his fantasy world and as he was getting older. He actually believes he now is an alien from another world/planet and was a warrior in his past life. and his so called life friends laugh at him. SCARY…… need I say more. They (he) progressively got worse in my opinion. Doctors, make this come to light and help women who find themselves in relationships with PPS types also. I truly believe they will they hurt someone as it gets worse. (e.g. aggressive behavior when questioned). He stole from many to support his newer User habits (marijuana 1st choice is how he began, not even sure how worse it had gotten because I don’t do drugs). After I suspected his problems were getting worse, I did some digging online (watching his habits of web sites visited) only to find BABY porn and TEEN porn. They are very sick individuals and lie extensively to cover their hatred towards women in my opinion. Mommy problems for sure! Believe me when I say it is the exact behaviors as stated above but progresses as they get older. His age now 48. Run women run (for your lives). When any man expects a women to take care of him because he has excuses for always getting into financial or other difficulties, get out!! You deserve better and don’t let him MANIPULATE you in thinking otherwise. It’s their issue, let it be! Did I say RUN already? !!! Sticking around is not good advice from anyone if you want to stay sane. Whatever you do, do not console, sympathize or show compassion. BIG MISTAKE! (and keep your monies hidden).
you were dealing with a paedophile… send him to police before he hurt the children around . baby porn is the clue
Pedophiles can be peter pans because they are stunted sexually…
Sounds like he was abused…
I totally agree with you. I had two children with a fellow with pps. He cheated, lied and stole from me. Was verbally abusive not only to me but the children also. He was so controlling it was like living in a dictatorship. Now I am fighting in court for equal custody of the children even though he is damaging to them. I advise, when a guy takes you home to meet his mom on first date stay away. Mother was also a nightmare.
Sorry I meant to say he is fighting me for equal custody. I am fighting against him but it has been costly and stressful. Still battling, his manipulation and lies under oath.
To Anonymous.
I am listening And Hearing you. I have been married to a pps/narcissist for 26 years. What an absolute Nightmare!!! I am planning and executing my survival/ departure. God help me.
I’m afraid to say that this syndrome, as described, already does exist in the DSM, as the post implies. Basically, people (male or female) with PPS are suffering from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), a rather badly named disorder which involves the creation in childhood of a protective False Self, a kind of “perfect self” designed as a defence against taking responsibility for problematic behaviour (often either in response to parental abuse or as a means of sibling rivalry). Defence of this False Self becomes the primary, and addictive, social front. Unfortunately, intimate partners actually know and experience their problematic behaviour, causing the person with NPD to reject any discussion of it because it conflicts with the protective False Self. So intimacy itself becomes impossible, because it requires facing and addressing the whole person, not just the fantasy image. It is VERY frustrating and alienating to deal with, largely because the NPD sufferer projects all problems onto their partner, never accepting responsibility for them themselves, and ultimately seeking another new partner who will fall (for a while) for their false projection. It CAN’T be cured, because that would require the NPD sufferer to take responsibility for their problematic behaviour (even the projection of the False Self itself), and that is the one thing that they have now very thoroughly trained themselves to do. Basically, it’s an endless tragedy.
Oh, one more comment. This one had a child I was unaware of and openly admitted he begged his “mommy” to force the women into having an abortion. He stated his “mommy” said “you will have to learn to keep it in your pants and now pay for this child thorough child support. You will learn to appreciate your offspring as you grow up”. Poor gal, poor child. Obviously I knew nothing about him or I would have RAN sooner. Hint, ask a lot of questions, if resistance, get out fast! I feel NO SYMPATHY for these people unless they seek help.
I would like to share this write-up but I don’t see a “Share” option anywhere on the page. Help, please.
I think I have Peter Pan syndrome, but probably not for any of the reasons I’ve seen so far. In my case, I think it has to do with feeling like I missed out on a lot of things during my college years (studied more, attended 3 or 4 parties total, no girlfriend). Now that I graduated and have a job, I suddenly feel the urge to catch up on all that I missed. I check out nightclubs and chat up the college girls (it’s a college town). I’m currently dating an 18-year old and I’m 24. Anyone else think this is a symptom of PPS?
I think the PPS you are describing is a mild form of the PPS that Michael Jackson had. He missed out on his ENTIRE childhood, and forever after tried to reclaim it. I don’t think he would have denied this at all, seeing as he named his estate “neverland.” In my opinion the first step as with many problems is identifying and admitting the issue. Only then can you begin to stop the tendencies that encompass PPS.
I would say: Yes in my opinion, any refusal to mature should be classified as Peter Pan Syndrome…
I’m 25 and I’m convinced I have Peter Pan Syndrome. I had a very sheltered childhood; my parents wouldn’t let me out of the house unless I was going to school, or church or if I was going to a friend from church’s house. Even those visits were few and far between, and never for more than a few hours. Anything I did that didn’t involve me doing something for “The Lord” was considered Satanic and either they’d (literally) burn it, or make me do it.
I joined the Army when I was 20, saw way more shit than I care to mention. Now that I’m out, I feel that doing all the things I wasn’t able to do as a kid makes me feel like I’m not missing out, and helps distract me from the PTSD nonsense.
I don’t think you have pps. It is most likely only a mild form of regression. Military children tend to do this as well because they tend to have to grow up quicker due to an ever changing environment. So when they hit their early to late twenties they tend to regress some and spend time doing childish things that did not do when they were young. If this sort of behavior last after say 35 then that’s when I would start to worry. And not to sound sexist but men tend to age slower emotionally then females. So while you are twenty four and she is eighteen emotionally it could be that you are closer to the same age emotionally then your physical ages. If say you were twenty four and she was fifteen or sixteen then you would have more cause to worry.
Depends, pps is deep rooted, ask yourself why you chose to not go out and study all the time. If you were motivated and engaged in your learning, then you didn’t “miss out” on anything. You’re just living life in a different sequence of order that’s not the norm. And that’s okay, to be different, unique, an outlier. It means you have a valuable perspective. If you’re not severly suffering from lonliness and using relationships to run away from ever facing yourself, then you don’t have pps.
What’s the opposite of pps?
I have PPS and am 55 yes old and live a very happy life, i keep to my self and have freinds that know i have PPS, my sexuall orentation is Gay but this dose not have a bearing on my PPS/ lifestyle .!! !im cool with how i am .
Ignorance is bless.
I’m afraid I am also a victim to the PPS. I’m a 28-year-old woman, single, still living with her parents, have two part-time jobs (one in fast food of all places) despite of my college degree. My bedroom is decked out with stuffed animals everywhere and a hugeass doll collection above my bed. My room is always a mess, I hate doing chores at home (keyword: at home; work is another story), and when my parents need me while I’m in the middle of an online conversation or writing one of my books, I either lash out or make my annoyance known to them. My interests include going to anime/manga/gaming conventions, cosplay (and spending a lot of money buying costumes, XD), and playing video games from my childhood, Pokémon in particular. I despise children; I find them to be a nuisance more than anything, and I find myself wanting to slap the crap out them half of the time for their crying, whining, and whatnot. I also find them as a responsibility I have no desire on taking; I’d rather pawn them off to my parents so I can have some constant me time or to a friend who wants kids. As for relationships, I long to find a Peter Pan with the same interests and outlook on life with me. Thought I found him, though we never really became an item, but he ended up becoming a “Wendell Darling” instead and left our private Neverland for good. Call me a selfish b**** who needs a swift kick in the butt, but I’m proud to be Petra Pan. Grow up? Now why would I want to do that?
my boyfriend has pps. i don’t know if he knows he has it. he doesn’t talk to anyone about anything personal, not even me. i want to be with a man, not an immature 40 year old. i want to leave him but i also would like to find him another girlfriend, if possible. (he doesn’t know this. i don’t know how he’d react to me finding him someone else). he works but he wants NO responsibility whatsoever. he says he hates kids, but he seems to be good with them. to the 28 year old woman who wrote the above statement, he loves video and internet games. if you have some type of plan for a future (he doesn’t) please get a hold of me. i feel like im leaving a helpless child behind so before i leave i want to try to leave him in hands where he might be taken care of and hopefully mature. i know this is not a dating site, but he desperately needs help. i care too much about him to not at least try to help him be able to survive on his own.
It is really odd and even inappropriate for you to feel like you need to find your current boyfriend a new girlfriend before dumping him. You are definitely not obligated or needed to do that. He’s capable to find a new woman to date when he is ready after you moved on from him. Also, since this 40 year old man have PPS, it strongly suggsst he’s not a good partner in relationship. Why would you try to convince someone else to take your unwanted garbage? That’s just immature and inconsiderate!
I feel like you were telling my life story…i am 22 and I am always lost in my day dreams…i am so into anime and manga that sometimes I wish that when I open my eyes I’d be one of the characters from the series…relationships scare me….and I think of marriage as “worst way to die” ….and right now I am scared out of my wits ….i have a full time job but no future plan…i hate kids I hate socializing and I know after a while people will start noticing that its not normal…I don’t know what to do ????
I don’t believe any of you has PPS as you are good functioning persons who simply like childish things. You have jobs and from the looks of it you can keep them and even shop without any issues. To me sounds more like some type of infantilism and egocentrism. You are refusing to grow up, not because you can’t. Real PPS is a trouble because a person not only displays childish behaviors (certain sitting positions, ways of talking, small kids vocabulary or calligraphy) but the main problem is that PPS doesn’t allow one to have a steady job, it creates panic and anxieties, PPS people are uborganized in their jobs, need constant reminders, can’t take it seriously for long. “Hating” children has nothing to do with PPS, if anything is all the opposite. PPS people enjoy being with younger ones, be it kids themselves, taking care of babies or having teen friends. PPS can make great fun parents but terrible at discipline, correction and guidance. Many are co-dependant because having a job gives them panics.
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I am 66 and have PPS. I don’t feel any different than when I was 18. I hang out with 20 somethings and am gay. Im into bodybuilding a s speak slang as 20 somethings . Use word “dude” extensively. Have 4 college degrees and still see myself as a student. MANY people say ive been sheltered. I do look young for my age. Still have that promiscuous sexual mentality that college students have and brag about sex conquests. Talk about straight sex since im im bi. Prefer sex partners 18-27. Took pps test and I scored age 22.
I am a self-aware narcissist with acute, chronic Peter Pan syndrome. I’ve been aware of that for decades. I’m okay with it. Know thyself. I can’t change substantially, I can only try to manage the excess.
So here’s what I have to add here, for what it’s worth. I’ve studied a vast amount of material on this and it is very rare to find someone suggesting that the syndrome can be cause by over-PERMISSIVE or simply ABSENTEE parents. My parents were not overprotective. During my childhood, we moved to a new state roughly every year. Every summer and holiday we flew to somewhere like Miami (read “Never Never Land”) to play on the beach and with the neighbors — we kids often spent the entire summer there. I was a smart and good looking kid and easily made friends everywhere I went. Almost every holiday we flew or drove somewhere. Disney Land. Grandma’s. Other relative’s homes where we kids were encouraged to just go to our thing but leave the adults alone (and so they left us alone.) I lived in 9 states by the age of 14, and attended 13 different schools in 10 different cities. To me, each time was an adventure. I couldn’t wait for the next move. Geography was my favorite subject, hands down. When we were “home”, I did what I wanted most of the time. I never had to worry about anything — it was all provided. Even education — I learned to read and do basic math in pre-school and the “head start” kept me ahead of the pack thru at least the seventh grade (I dropped to a C student in high school, and no one noticed.)
My point is that my own PPS stems from HABIT. I did whatever I wanted, everywhere I went people/neighbor kids/girls/airline stewardesses/teachers/relatives/etc welcomed me as the new kid on the block and seemed to relish my “fun” spirit, tales of adventure and travel, and so forth, until they got tired of it. I was exhausting. Fortunately for them, we then moved again.
So it’s not just overprotective parents. My parents were anything but overprotective. They didn’t ENCOURAGE reckless and careless behavior, they just didn’t much notice it, because they were self-absorbed or just not around. That went to a whole new level once my parents separated when I was 10 — then I had an apartment to myself (Dad was never there), a motorcycle and thousands of square miles to explore, a nice allowance (Dad gave me plenty of cash to buy my own groceries, school books, clothes, etc which I spent as I wanted), friends, girlfriends (from my age to about ten years older, the girls/women were plentiful, thanks in part to Dad and also to living in an apartment complex full of dirty old college girls.)
I’m over 50. I’m still traveling, finding new adventures, meeting new people all the time, doing new things. Old habits die hard. I know myself. I’m okay with it.
I can’t say that I’m completely happy. The lack of deep, lasting relationships is the main reason. I “substitute” one night stands and short term affairs for that, but it’s getting harder all the time. Especially since we Peter Pans like new younger women all the time. This is the my dilemma because I love the ladies and can’t/won’t commit.
Unhealthy? No meaning? No purpose? Okay, maybe so. But I’m over 50 and in great health in every regard. People guess my age at late 30s. I ran a marathon last month. My BP is 110/70. I haven’t been to a doctor or dentist in the 21st century. I sleep like a baby, even if I sleep in a storage unit or at a hostel or on some stranger’s couch — all of which I do often because I don’t have or want a “real home” or a even a car. Today’s Tom Sawyer.
It works for me. I’ve tried to not be myself and be a “responsible adult”. It was miserable and it just won’t work for me.
No one is completely happy. In fact, happiness is not the normal human condition. Just the opposite. So many people today, especially in the West. think it’s common and normal, or supposed to be (supposed by whom? Themselves.)
You make your own happiness. First, you must know thyself. If you’re a narcissistic PPS at age 50, the only way you’re going to have some happiness is to stop listening to the same voices of society you’ve been trying to drown out your whole life and make your own happiness doing whatever that means FOR YOU.
We’re creatures of habit. Sure, stay at war with your bad habits. But being PPS is not a “bad habit.” It’s simply a habit. It may have some cons but it has it’s pros. Like most any “lifestyle.” It may be “bad” for society as a whole AS SOCIETY EXISTS TODAY.
WE DID NOT EVOLVE IN THIS SOCIETY. LOOK AT A FILM OF HOW APES LIVE IN THE JUNGLE. EVEN THE ADULTS SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME RELAXING, ENTERTAINING THEMSELVES, ALMOST DEVOID OF ANYTHING WE WOULD CALL “RESPONSIBILITY.” They don’t even have to get dressed.
We do. And a billion other things and details and responsibilities.
“Society” tends to compel conformity (and the mental health profession and associated literature is nothing if not a regulator of societal norms). Wittingly or not, “they” work to compel us toward unnatural, almost jackbooted behavior that is contrary to our nature.
MODERN SOCIETY can’t work without a lot of responsible adults. And only “responsible adults” will be RESPONSIBLE when they allegedly responsible adults destroy it, as they inevitably will (probably when they let that first self-aware supercomputer cut loose — it will have no survival instinct with regard to itself, much less the humans which, to it, move at a speed far slower than a snail — by the time we can walk across a room, it’s evolved another trillion years in its time. What forces and such does it figure out by then?)
So “society” is “right” and the PPS’s of the world are “wrong” or need to change? Right…
People will keep sucking up, working themselves to death doing unnatural work (assembly lines! yikes), bowing down, doing the bidding of others, letting others fill their heads full of insane bullshit (like the myth of the magic zombie and other religions), tell them what to do, what to think, how to be, etc etc.
Right up until they destroy not only our humanity, our naturalness, and our planet.
The “good” cogs have habits too.
Clearly the standard of what is “good” or “bad” behavior is, “Does it further the goals of modern society and its keepers, or no?”
By that standard, I’ll have to side with all the other life on Earth that would love to see humans vanish before they compel other members of their own kind to believe in and embrace one more idea or project that will destroy their own kind.
You are completely dismissing the damage that these folks do to those around them. It is not you against society norms, how narcissistic is only seeing that? It is narcissists causing needles pain and suffering to loved ones. The Narcissist, PPS folks being hugely narcissistic, goes through life completely unaware of the damage (s)he inflicts on others and does do damage. I don’t buy your argument. You have/had a family, my narcissist Dad has burned through most of his, and the damage he causes to those around him continues unabated, because he doesn’t think living the way he does causes problems! Wow, if only society would just loosen up a little, eh? There is a reason that most therapists would call narcissists untreatable – they really don’t think they’re doing anything wrong.
Bravo! Yeah from the above rant…it’s obvious this guy has no clue of the repercussions of his own delusional state. These people DO hurt others because of their narcissistic characteristics….but, they can’t acknowledge that. To acknowledge that would be to grow the F%*#& up and be an actual man that IS worthy of the attention they seek. These people could care less what damage they do to loved ones and friends as long as they are happy, what else matters? My opinion, but I wouldn’t want to sleep with someone that has the emotional brain capacity of a 5 year old. Something about that is very disturbing.
Destructive, cynical, and rather critical in some aspects. Sound like an adult!
The answers you seek will be found within. Compassion and kindness will lead you down the right path. Empty your mind and simply listen to your breathing. It will connect you to your origin.
I think i also have pps (assuming any kind of refusal to grow up is considered pps) but still very minor. If i just strengthen my will a little i’ll probably get through pps. I’m 21 female that goes to business college
I believe the main reasons are:
-i was being (and still, but less than before) spoiled by my mother as i’m the youngest daughter. <<– the main reason
-i'm pretty lazy and kind of scared of the future, not to mention my sister and mom are active women, so the hurdle to 'meet their standard' is kinda…not low
And yeah, what's the opposite of pps?
Independance. To the point where you don’t even ask for help when you really really REEEEEEALLY need it. Maybe due to fear of hurting your pride… or just because you value your thoughts above all and think everyone else is wrong and can’t help you anyways.
I think I have pps. I still live with my mother at 23 and I am not motivated to move out and grow up. I am into dragons, unicorns, I love my little pony. After reading this article I have come to see that I have all of the signs and symptoms listed above. I tried to go to my oldest sister because I thought she might understand but I keep getting told i’m making pps up and that i’m just being childish and I need to grow up. and I tell them, that’s the problem. I can not grow up.
Believe. Keep trying to see further and keep questioning things you assumed to be true. Few epiphanies later you’ll mature.
i am finding by reading this that i have some or most of the symptoms of PPS. i am 30 and still live at home. i have a “part-time” job…which isn’t really part-time. i pay for my own cell phone, car insurance, and health insurance, i also buy most of my own groceries when i go out shopping.
i have a habit of buying video games, movies, and books…actions figures i a have grown out of, i don’t buy stuffed animals, however i do sleep with a stuffed penguin…lol. my parents don’t and have never been overbearing or overprotected. i think i have lived a sheltered life more so than my brother who is 23 and already has two kids and is living mostly on his own. i also have never had a relationship. the one time i tried to have one i couldn’t commit. i would like to add that i am gay, not that it matters much, but seems to be common.
don’t get me wrong i like having the life i do, i am just realizing that i am lonely and want to be free. explore and be more independent , but don’t really know how to. with being 30, i feel i am now too old or older than i should to want that much freedom. i will say i want to be a writer, i work now as a night stocker making more than any job pays around my area, i have even tried to start writing, but it is hard to get the time to do that and working and everything else. either way i am sorry for pouring my hear out and boring everyone with this. i just figured i would add a reply to other fellow like minded people and maybe people that might be able to help.
My advice…. Save some money. Set a date. Maybe 6 months from now. Move out on your own. That’s a huge step.
Then look for a “Tinker” (a strong woman who won’t put up with any BS) and not a “Wendy” (who will enable your bad habits). Write for fun, but don’t expect to make a living at it.
Best wishes.
You don’t have pps. You just haven’t found yourself yet. Keep trying new things and get out of your bubble. Travel. Blaze up. Talk to the homeless. Have sex. Interact deeply with ppl from a religion or political beliefs that are polar to yours. Do w.e. to gain new perspectives. It will help you in the discovery of who you are and where you’re needed. Believe: everything that exists, exists for a purpose.
“Peter Pan Syndrome” is a recent name given to an old phenomenon. Carl Jung used the term “Puer aeternus” describing one of his archetypes about a hundred years ago.
My 53 year old sperm donor still lives at home and refuses to leave. He has 3 children in which he does shit for. He’s very content to live the single, free and disengaged lifestyle that he loves so much meanwhile appearing to be a devoted father and husband. It all an illusion in their own mind that they are a perfect and desirable catch to women. All women want them and you should be “lucky” that they chose you. This lie and many more are what these sickos tell themselves to justify their rude, disrespectful, selfish behavior toward you. These people are very greedy and always have their hands stretched out for help but they are never there when you need help. They are always on the look out for their next conquest and are enraged if you point out any of their unacceptable whoremongering behavior These are people with no regard for anyone but themselves, they run from any form of responsibility. NEVER. NEVER take their advice. They live for the moment with no regards for the future, they will sacrifice you your kids anything that means anything to you to get their way. I lost my home because I was told to abandon it and move to the USA big mistake> I didn’t realize that He was secretly jealous of my achievement. Once I got to the USA the bad treatment began, bullying, verbal abuse you name it. He ran back to mommas or really never left her house since he has always to this day maintained a bedroom there. The thought of him missing his mommas cooking and her company was too much to bear so he caused drama after drama fully knowing that I would up and leaving him, It worked I left him. He drove me and the kids home to my sisters (because I’m now homeless with 3 kids) It took 3 days and before we left on the trip back to my sister’s he already had lined up his new conquests. His “best friend” called me before I left to tell me how much he hates my cooking and that Im a lousy mom all this info was given to her by him mind you this man has NEVER paid a dime in child support, my A student kids are a result of my homeschooling and sacrifice meanwhile he has done NOTHING .This excuse of a man now 53 is still at home drives a ice-cream truck and lives his fantasy to be loved and admired by all the little kids that really do not know him. These people are all full of tricks, don’t believe anything they say. They will manipulate out of everything. They will use you take from you and skin and grin in your face and act like they love you all the while turning the knife in you back a little more, then when you complain to them they will say what’s the problem or as mine would say when I confronted and I complained “That I just don’t know when to shut up”. They tolerate no other opinion other than theirs because in their minds they are smarter than you. I went off on mine when I found a nude picture of one of his “friends” on his phone. This incident armed him with my new diagnosis of “PRE-MENOPAUSAL. That’s what he tells everyone that I’m “CRAZY”. Are people dumb or is it they refuse to think, He has had this same MO for decades and it seems everyone has fallen for his crap, especially his mommy. My advice run don’t give them a dime. DON”T buy them nothing, do not feel sorry for them and keep ALL your business to yourself anything you tell them they will spread to others in an attempt to make you look bad. Once you have had enough and have left their no good ass they will try to find you to “apologize” don’t believe it its about CONTROL. if you have to change your number, move, go into police protection do whatever you have to do keep them away from you until they are ready to admit that THEY have a problem, we all know that this would NEVER happen so be prepared to put them behind you and move on as I’m trying to do. Its difficult to believe that there are people that can inflict so much pain and suffering in other peoples lives but face reality that they have major problems, no amount of money or love will help them so face it, You made some poor choice and move on cut off all contact because they will always manipulate you with their lies for as long as you allow it. Cut them off now!
I so feel your pain. I did not run and 20 years later nothing has changed except he is now doing 18 year old prostitutes while claiming he has changed. The only change is more whores and more manipulation….
All of these comments have been helpful. I am 64 and have been dating a 60 year old PPS man. I thought I was going out of my mind until a friend told me about PPS. I immediately ordered the PPS book and the Wendy Dilemma book. I learned that there are different degrees of PPS from your helpful comments. In the books I learned that he has a mild form of PPS and that I am a “Tinkerbelle” with a tad bit of Wendy. I just sent him the PPS book yesterday and I am anxious to find out if he will own the PPS and try to better himself and our relationship. I do love him deeply and he loves me. At our age everyone has baggage and I am willing to put up with lighter baggage and not the heavier ones. I thank you all for posting your comments.
All my life I have been living with Over Protective Parents , even at the age of 33 I still do, I have had the opportunity to live away from my parents when I was working in a different city for two years during this time I felt very confident of my self I could actually feel the difference, the company where I was came under new management the new management after a breif period shut down the company hence had to return to city where I was born since then have attended several interviews not yet got a job,living with my overprotective mother , father as well as Aunt is making me weaker, after reading your post on Peter Pan Syndrome I do exibit some sings of having it , such as
Frustration that leads to self-pity and depression.
Manipulative tendencies.
Low Self Esteem ,Self Confidence, Low on Courage.
Dis – Interest in everything.
At times being Over Emotional and Over Sentimental about everything.
Another point about OverProtective Parents is that they enage in Emotional Blackmail to be with them, they want me to be with them , and it is tough for me to leave them as all three are old my aunt is 80 years , my father is 78 years and my mother is 67 years they need someone to support them I have to be all the time with them. Apart from the syndrome you had mentioned there could be other conditions affecting people like yes I do have Dyslexia and Attention Deficit Syndrome which does come in my way in fact living with my parents in a way is strenghting it and making me weaker. I am still unemployed inspite of being qualified. Could you suggest something.
I am a 42 years old men and I did not know about the pps .I sew it on tv this morning and this syndrome describe my self . I cant have relationships no friends no girlfriend I feel my self immature and I am insecure I act like teen . don’t see my life like a 42 man . I have lots to said . but finally I found what is my problem . thank you.
Approaching 50, I just discovered yesterday I may have this PPS ! so I’m looking for more information and this is a very interesting article (and comments). Very good to see some treatments options, too ! better than the usual “go see a psychiatrist”, for sure !
I also like the funny Peter Narc story, would love to have his health and luck, although I think he may now find the love if his life, and “grow up” a bit. I have to read the comments section again !
This year I also found I’m suffering from a rare genetic disorder (Marfan Syndrome), by chance, on the internet, after being unsuccessful to identify the cause of the various symptoms for all my life, and that’s after consulting a few doctors since I’m 14 years old !
Thanks to Dr. Amarendra ! I have to bookmark this page and website !
Just one more effort on the part of the psychological community to classify people. There are no have to’s. Its all nonsense to me.
I am a 25 year old female with suspected pps. The way I act, it all fits. I am intelligent and insightful but have severe child like behaviors. Glad I finally pinpointed what it could be.
Hi I’m 52 yr old gay female and today its just dawned on me I must have PPS.
I head straight for the toy departments drawn by the colours, happy faces, moving bits and bobs interesting sounds and the potential joy the toy could bring me if I had it and someone equally young at heart to play with it too like a kite, paddling pool, board games anything silly.
I always thought I was “childish” but now more its called female PPS.
I need a Wendy to look after me and realise that’s the sort of tough sensible maternal type I’ve always settled down and lived with. Sadly I am now alone after17 years of my “Wendy” looking after me.
I in return brought spiritual gifts like joy, freedom, chatter, support, affection, optimism and spontaneity to the relationship..
She went off with someone who is 20 years her junior and 30 years younger than me, a real shock. My replacement is everything I’m not – Answer is there really- independent, motivated, dependable and could probably look after my ex.
Perhaps we were both PPS ladies so doomed as neither could face financial problems or could cope with stress. We both got ill, angry, bored and resentful.
She turned into a nagging wife which made me go more like a teenager. She would become furious and call me a baby- so it escalated into hate.
It all happened so fast but I think both of us changed or at least changed what we were willing to give up to make the other partner happy.
A nasty painful Selfish battle of wills.
A very miserable home I used to sit outside on the driveway unable to get out of my car.
Sometimes I’d run away from home stamp off round the block like a teen and smiled as her car pulled up beside me to pick me up with a cheerful “come on home you daft thing” jst like my Dad my hero did.
A new home now alone, cooking alone, fending for myself alone no friends no plans of a new partner as I am toxic and cannot be anything other than childlike and cannot face tough people but I’m surrounded by Captain Hooks
So you are not alone- I am now scared to face the world alone each day and don’t sleep at night as she used to talk to me so I wasn’t afraid of the dark and reassure me there was nothing that we could not fix together.
I spent years blaming her for my unhappiness but now see the light. I must be honest and upfront and say I am a clumsy , unlucky childlike irresponsible middle-aged lady who can’t bare a day with no laughs or adventure.
Not a very good C.V for an employee or chat up line for a lonely hearts column.
There are worse things to be in life so I act daft and respond to conflict like a child- avoid conflict / nasty people, and be free and happy do fun jolly stuff each day.
Who wants to be a grown up.
That’s why so many people drink and do drugs because they wish they could be forget their cares like us for the weekend.
We get that high on life daily naturally so we are blessed .
x
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i have to question this definition as i understood PPS to be where a man wants his wife to be his mother, per Peter and Wendy.
the assertion that people don’t grow older in/on Neverland is unquestionably false. not only are there Captain Hook, his pirates, all the Indians, but this passage from Chapter 5:
“The boys on the island vary, of course, in numbers, according as they get killed and so on; and when they seem to be growing up, which is against the rules, Peter thins them out; …”
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I am 18 and last night my girlfriend told me that I seem to have pps. She told me this after I told her that I don’t wanna grow up and jokingly said that ” hopfully I can get famous and not worry anymore”. I have tons for support from my family but I just got my drivers license 2 days ago and started 2 part time jobs …. Shouldn’t I feel happy ? Shouldn’t I feel progress ? Cuz all I feels is that I am tossing myself head first into a life I will hate and that will start to tear me apart. I wanna be happy like everyone else but if I am being honest, I wanna do things I love to make money not grind out a living at taco time. I went to college for one quarter and due to middle class problems got no financial aid ( and I failed 2/3 classes ) I am not going back for a little while the self pity is my biggest problem and my gf tells me constantly that I am being negative and I don’t wanna put that on her or myself … Maybe all of us pps kids need to find our Neverland … I would go if I could and if I ever get rich best believe I am going to make us a Neverland .. Or at least me my own somewhere on a beach
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Iam 23 years old and I have pps and I like my little pony and anime and I don’t hate kids I love I a little brother and two older ones k and I don’t yell at women I yell at men because when I was little my dad was in jail a lot of time and I didn’t get to see him a lot k and so my dad couldn’t help my mom raise me I was 1 1/2 years when he was in jail but I got to see him right now I live with my aunt and she is taking care of me but I don’t when I will ever love any one and I don’t about sex a lot k.
I’m 31 and I’m stuck. How do you pull your self out from pps. I have never been in a committed relationship I have had girlfriends but never more. Now that I’m getting older im scared that I’m going to wake up one day and regret never having a family. The big problem is I don’t want one. Is that normal for some people? Should I force my self to grow up or will time take its course? I have alwasy said when the right one came around I would know. But at 31 and still no right one….
I can’t believe they do not recognize a phenomena that clearly is a real thing. Okay, I get it that the name tagged to it is probably what gets it overlooked but people need to look past the silly name and actually look at the symptoms and characteristics. I could easily see this disorder falling into the autism spectrum category.
(although now since it is simply autism spectrum disorder, even if it got recognized it still would not get a label.)
It could even fit and be made into a personality disorder of some sort, I couldn’t really begin to think of a name. I know from experience that this kind of thing isn’t chosen and it’s not that they don’t want to grow up, it’s that they don’t know how.
I can relate to this fairly well and a lot of the time, I know the answer but it’s the how to that really trips me up. I don’t know, call it delayed transitional disorder or Infantile Personality Disorder, although that might be a really extreme term, I can at least say that I know at least what most teenagers know.
I’m sure they could come up with some proper term for it but I do know that it is a very real thing, especially if you were raised in a very sheltered and protected home where the parent or relative taking care of you is pro-active when you want or need for something but is otherwise passive (leaving you not to get all of “the talks” about life as you should of.
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i was a real late bloomer, literally didn’t grow till after high school, still only 150 lbs at 5′-9″ tall. somewhere along the line…I joined the military at 22 and never wanted to return home again. both of my grandparents died while I was in Iraq. And had my dad break my spirit, until I gave up while I was in the aor. I wanted to stay in and do 20. now I’m 37 living at home, one screwed up individual. ride a Harley, built multiple cars 55 chevy’s along the 10 year span of being house broken. even graduated twice using my gi bill. got my aa and my ba. got no bills, other than my 2 year old bike…love kids, but cannot keep a girlfriend. I love talking and pretty much don’t like being alone. Iraq was pretty tough, 7 months on a marine base, as an air force detachment of 10. it was pretty lonely, but even lonelier now. I ride my bike, do wheelies, and hang with my boys and drink sometimes with reckless abandonment, but it’s actually quite boring…I’d rather be with one girl. sometimes In my mind I’m just waiting for somebody to run me over on my bike, considering I split lanes and ride everyday. let it end.
Same here, 10 years usaf, moved back home, mom died few years after seperation. Stayed home so as not to leave father alone on his own during that time. having difficulties finding success in civilian world. I ride harley as well
Wow 100 comments .. Great achievement Dr. Amarendra
Hi, I really do wish people would stop using this term Peter Pan syndrome this wording is making it sound almost child like and immature . These people are narcissists plain and simple . The spectrum like any mental disorder is vast but they are narcs . They are dangerous and this needs to stop being sugar coated as just immaturity. It is so much more . Google Peter Pan syndrome on Sam Vaknin blog and learn about narcissists . The story of Peter Pan is about a narcissist
My name is Francis Jones, Frankie. I have a very extreme case of what u’ve given the acronym pps. It’s extreme because in my case it’s considered to be an identity disorder similar to the more widely recognized gender issues. I certainly don’t want to be a woman though. I want to be and have always felt like a child. I figure emotionally I’m about 8. Contrary to the preceding article this is most certainly not a choice I’ve made. I damn well never thought growing up that, when I get older I think I’d like to be thoroughly bizzare. Sure. Also I’m not a homo either. I don’t know where some of these idiot posts get their info but that is extremely offensive to me. I am also most certainly not a pedophile either. The insistence of thoroughly ignorant . . .people assuming that, has caused me much emotional harm. I persue the company of kids yeah, because I simply have more in common with them emotionally. We like and dislike the same things. You might say, is it wholesome for a kid to be hanging out with a man who is 52 yrs old. Actually I think I’m very good at helping kids. I only “feel” like a kid. I most certainly don’t think like a kid. As a matter of fact I believe my thinking, logical and cognitive skills, is quite mature. And not so much in spite pps but more so because of it. I’m quite talented at fixing busted kids. I have an empathy that few other adults have because I share much of the same emotional circuitry as children. I befriend them, spend lots of time just playing, gain their trust and confidence and then they let me in. Sounds awful don’t it, I know. They let me into their head and start sharing their most private thoughts. Then I get to work trying to help them process sometimes awful experiences and help them find some balance. I’ve been doing exactly this my whole life. Ive been big brother to 2 grown kids now and I’m both working and playing with my newest little brother who’s just turned 9. Its so hard to be accepted by society because of how misunderstood pps is. My intentions are clean, I wanna help. They are not however completely unselfish because I also get to play. It is very contenting for me to be accepted by a kid or kids as one of them. Cognitively I know I’m not and I aspire to be the finest role model I can be when I’m with em. Because, as I noted, my case is so extreme, I can’t have kids of my own. I’m still a virgin. Like I posted, my identity is that of a child. Children are not yet sexually mature. Embarrassing as it is, either am I. I am so entirely grateful to the parents of the kids I’ve interacted with for taking the time to know me. I know were all glad they did. Like I posted, there’s already 2 really happy endings and I’m working on a third
Some, if not all “men” with “Peter Pan Syndrome” are indeed astrally / nonphysically boys. We are just trapped in adult physical bodies. Some of us will find that we actually have a boy ghost body after our decarnation “death”. Inwardly, I am 13.5 years old looking.
I had PPS of not wanting to grow up ever since I can remember myself. I always persistently said I wasn’t going to grow up even when I was already little. This got much much worse when my body changed during puberty. It was horrific. Now past puberty, I am in ruins with my physical age that I don’t even feel that I am causing me the utmost dysphoria.
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Partners of pps people: please also check Borderline Personality Disorder
Please have compassion to these and any person with a mental illness. This is not a CHOICE that people have CONTROL over. It’s a disease, these people suffer heaps, it hurts to hurt others and feel isolated and helpless and hopeless.
Also look after yourself and run for your life if needed.
To all of You who feel as though You have Peter Pan Syndrome and don’t at this point in Your Lives like You want to grow up I give to You the truth that must be told. If You did indeed had “over protective parents” there is a two-fold reason why You chose to remain immature and childlike and not cross over to the other side like the rest of us. No; You don’t have a disease, You’re not mentally ill and probably didn’t intend to become an irresponsible person. It had to do with trauma and fear; not only Your fear but that of Your parents as well. It happened to them before PPS happened to You. Have You ever once stopped to think to Yourself, either as an adult or even as a child, ” Did something happen to my parent(s) to cause the to treat me overprotective or otherwise abusively growing up?” “Did my Father or my Mother, or both of my parents, or whomever raised me (Grand Parents, Aunt, Uncle, etc.) suffer any kind of abuse from whomever raised them such as sexual, physical, psychological, mental, verbal or emotional abuse and internalize it from within and made that abuse become their identity (false self, alter ego)? Your parents may be carrying secrets that they have kept from You and never told You or anybody else. Which means “You”, the next generation acted and carried out their sense of suspended animation by being stunted in your own growth and not able to mature, meet and connect with your own identity as who You really are. It’s like You became an emotional fill in or substitute for Your parent(s), a vicarious substitute in their place, either reenacting what happened to them literally, figuratively, or symbolically from their past or you’re acting as a hero, rescuer or savior to remember and bare upon Yourself the intolerable reality (what was too difficult for them to do), commemorating the normal people they should have been able to become had they not suffered their abuse. But because it was inappropriate, life boomeranged on You and cursed You with their curse of being trapped in the world of dissociation, forever locked in Your parent(s) past and what happened to them, and therefore, as Your parent(s) did, you regressed back into childhood where you felt it was a safe place to be and the ruler of Your own world. You do not want to assume responsibility, because doing that says it was Your fault, and/or Your parent(s) fault about what happened to them and how You today Yourselves turned out. You need to take the time right now to go back in time and time travel back to both the dimension where Your parent(s) made a stop after they were abused and also to the dimension of Your own past where Your growth was first stunted, where Your life was put on hold by entering the world of fantasy and enchantment and restore Yourselves by sincerely forgiving Your parent(s) by releasing them in love, by not making them accountable and responsible for something they had no power to stop or control (their abuse) as children. By hugging them and letting them know that You are sorry about what happened to them as children, and that You understand Now Why they overprotected You, that they indeed felt that there was a valid reason that they were trying to protect and keep You safe from harm. Your parent(s) may have been afraid of repeating their parent(s) abuse by abusing You, or that You would hate them or blame them (hold them responsible) in some sort of way for not being a good parent(s) and fearing that You may feel this way about them was too intolerable for them to bare. They may have also feared becoming their abusive parent(s). And You also need to forgive them for unconsciously passing their sense of stunted growth and immaturity unto You. They did it unintentionally, by accident. Had they not suffered what they suffered, literally, figuratively or symbolically, in their childhood, (whatever that secret is that their keeping), they would have been able to be better parent(s) to You and they would have been normally able normally to attend to the responsibility that we all have of parenting adequately. And last of all forgive Yourselves because You were innocent bystanders, caught in the crossfire of the dividing line of fantasy and reality. Just know that everything happens for a reason, even the way our lives turn out. If You suffer from Peter Pan Syndrome, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder or Autistic Spectrum Disorder, You can become transformed by the reply that I just wrote to You. And from now on don’t be afraid to grow up. You must now make the vitally important decision to have the courage to leave the trapped dimension and world of fantasy, make believe and enchantment and enter the dimension of normalcy on the other side. We out in the real world have been waiting for You all these years and will lovingly embrace You, encourage You and give You Your Adult Voice Back and all will listen to You. You will be taken seriously because no one has to even know unless You want to share it what happened to You when You got lost in Neverland. Society will welcome You with open arms. Life won’t be perfect, only God is, but if You decide right now to turn the key from the inside and unlock Your self imposed jail cell and freely walk out as a free man or free woman, life will take off for You in wonderful ways that You could never imagine in the fantasy world. Just Believe in Yourself and the rest will be easy. Love Yourself; Find Yourself; Be Yourself. The Power is in Your hands.
Wow, I’m 24 years old (male). I really was thinking back to what happened to my parents and they both had bad childhoods now thinking about it. I want to fix myself but I’m not sure how, I have a lot of the symptoms except I am in a 4 year relationship. I hate my job, rather play video games, I have a lot of debt, and haven’t finished school. Yikes, any advice?
I’m blessed with pps, not victim of it
having fun while everybody else complain all the time
it s my choice
all those who want to change me please get out of my life
better be alone in neverland than surrounded by jerks
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